lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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