I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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