I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Randomize
