I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
