Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Sober January is a disaster.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
