Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
