I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
