It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
