he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
