I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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