You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
