FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
