My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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