Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
