batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
