to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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