Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
