I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
