He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
