And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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