drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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