wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
