Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
