I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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