Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
