This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
