Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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