My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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