Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
