i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
