Say something about gay babies.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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