omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
