Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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