you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
