that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
