The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
