I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
someone owes me an orgasm
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
