oh god the rape fog is back!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize