i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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