There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
