So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
