We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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