She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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