'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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