I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
