Jerry, you need to find god
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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