Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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