so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
