At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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