Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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