There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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