i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
