You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
