I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
