I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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