Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
