so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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