the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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