I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
