ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
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