I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
