I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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