I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
