Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
