Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
