Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
