Pappa wants mamma naked
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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