Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
