I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize