You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
