I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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