Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
