btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You can't motorboat a personality
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize